Sharing Steve :: New Stuff
Saturday, March 26, 2005

Steve and Donald Duck present the past

Los Angeles Times
March 16, 2005 Wednesday
Orange County Edition
CALIFORNIA; Metro; Metro Desk; Part B; Pg. 3
Disneyland's 50th Anniversary Party Will Start Early and Run 18 Months
Kimi Yoshino, Times Staff Writer

A refurbished old standard, Space Mountain, and a new, high-tech interactive ride, Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters, will help Disneyland mark its 50th anniversary with a prolonged celebration.

"If there is one year to be at Disneyland, this is it," said Disneyland Resort spokesman Tim O'Day, pitching events that will, in fact, run for 18 months.

Some customers have been given sneak peeks of what's in store, and others won't have to wait much longer.

Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters -- part ride, part video game -- makes its debut Thursday after a series of quiet test runs.

Cari Schofield, 42, of Scottsdale, Ariz., rode Buzz with her husband and three sons Monday and approved. "It was awesome," Schofield said of the attraction, in which riders use joysticks to spin their two-person "star cruisers" while shooting laser guns at glowing targets.

In June, park officials will add an Internet component to the ride, allowing online players at home to interact with actual Buzz riders. It is Disneyland's first effort to combine an on-site attraction with real-time Internet participation. Disneyland's 50th birthday is July 17, but the party begins May 5, with the introduction of a new parade at Disneyland, another at California Adventure, a new fireworks show and a re-decorated Sleeping Beauty's Castle.

In addition to Buzz Lightyear, the park also will temporarily replace "Great Moments With Mr. Lincoln" with "Disneyland: The First 50 Magical Years" -- exhibits and a film presentation hosted by Steve Martin and Donald Duck.

The Main Street attraction also will feature recently uncovered film footage from opening day as well as a model of how the park appeared in 1955.

Space Mountain, closed for two years, will reopen in July with new rocket vehicles, a revised soundtrack and new special effects to update the 28-year-old roller coaster. Chrissie Allen, a senior show producer for Walt Disney Imagineering, said that when fans were asked what they liked about the ride, they said: "It's dark, it's fun, it's unpredictable. Don't mess with it."

As a result, Allen said, the ride is "amped up."

"We want it to feel familiar, but we want it to be exciting and new at the same time," she said. And, it's even darker now. "No light leaks, no doors, no exits, nothing. We painted the floor black," Allen said.

The anniversary celebration will extend to Walt Disney World in Orlando, Fla., and Disney's theme parks worldwide.

A companywide marketing campaign includes a commercial depicting Disney's signature characters "coming home," although no one park is specifically mentioned.

The multimedia advertising blitz is raising expectations about the 50th celebration, said James Zoltak, editor of the Amusement Business trade magazine.

And with a rebounding economy and travel spending returning to pre-Sept. 11 levels, 2005 should be a banner year, he said.

"I'd be shocked if they didn't get a pretty major bump out of this whole thing," Zoltak said. "The whole Disneyland experience has become a rite of passage for a lot of families."

A bit more Steve-Kristin gossip, which we know is NOT true because Steve said so

The Sunday Telegraph (Sydney, Australia)
March 27, 2005 Sunday
FEATURES; Hollywood Gossip / Gossip Pages; Pg. 104

Fox's sexy chick

STEVE Martin is reportedly in love with Sex And The City star Kristin Davis.

The 60-year-old grey fox threw Davis, 40, a party at what used to be his LA bachelor pad.

At a pre-Oscars show, Martin and Davis were seen hand in hand and, according to a friend, "it's the real thing".

Robert Crumb, comic artist with a Steve quote

March 19, 2005, Saturday
Art Pg. 003
A cartoonist's striptease Robert Crumb's hilarious, self-lacerating autobiography leaves the reader caught between a laugh and a hard place

The R Crumb Handbook by Robert Crumb and Peter Poplaski
432pp, MQ Publications, pounds 14.99
T pounds 12.99 (plus pounds 2.25 p&p) 0870 1557222

Portrait of the artist: Crumb's self-mocking response to Robert Hughes's silly comparison of him to Breughel

There is a difference between the skinny, bedraggled Robert Crumb as he appears in his own comic strips and the good-looking, quietly dressed man in photographs.

In the photos, Crumb is seen smiling at his striking (in both senses of the word, it seems) wife Aline, chatting with friends, receiving awards or strolling in the street. He usually looks amused about something. With his intelligent face, expressive eyes and grizzled beard, he could be a successful academic.

In the drawings, the crumpled man looks as though he can hardly stand up -- in fact, sometimes he can't, because he is blown away by a giant female, or his head has exploded in a psychedelic nightmare. In the strips, he encounters terrible loneliness and disappointment. Persecuted by guilt and shame, and raging against the injustice of what he is doomed to endure, he whimpers with self-pity, or turns aggressive and abuses the reader, reaching out even from the confines of the frame.

On paper, the goggle-eyed Crumb makes weird and outrageous sexual advances to compliant, if startled, young women. Bizarre erotic females with beaked heads or gigantic hairy bodies attack or succumb to him, or both. His other heroes, such as Mr Natural, Flakey Foont, Fritz the Cat or Angelfood McSpade, star in strips in which marvellous, impossible events seem ordinary, as they do in dreams.

Reading The R Crumb Handbook, you often find yourself held in a strange place, caught -- perfectly balanced -- between a laugh and a groan. He plays with your emotions, moving from whingeing to hilarity, and from disgust to celebration, so fast that you have no time to adjust your responses.

His subject is himself. This book is two autobiographies in one volume. The first is contained in the reproduction of examples of his life's work, 50-odd years of illustrations and comic strips. The second is in the text, which is a pensive going over of it all by the now middle-aged artist. Each of the two autobiographies has a different tone. The older voice is less energetic, more melancholy and not so frantic. Nostalgia has crept in, and something like acceptance of, if not contentment with, the hand he has been dealt. The tenderness with which he speaks of his daughter adds a new note to his repertoire.

But time has not deflected him from his tireless examination of himself. Neither has his contempt and despair for his own country been mellowed by his move to France, where he now lives.

We all have things about ourselves that we dread being discovered. We can even kid ourselves for most of the time that these horrors do not exist. But Crumb is fascinated by his own appalling weaknesses and desires, and he does not stop publicly mulling over them. He has perfected a jujitsu defence against his own doubts and self-loathing by displaying everything that goes on in his head. It is a very strong position. No one can accuse him of anything that he has not already admitted to. He has seized control of his own charge-sheet.

You need a ton of courage to try this manoeuvre and a ton of talent to bring it off. Crumb has both. His success is magnificent. He broke away from his stifling, mad family; he survived the loss of his overbearing and gifted older brother; he became rich and famous and married; and he didn't sell out to movies or high-paying journals.

It was not he alone who has benefited from his diligence and bravery. We are also beneficiaries. Through his wonderfully drawn and written confessions comes creeping deep understanding of weakness and of fear and unexpectedly, there also comes reassurance: you are not alone. Whatever awful place you go to in your mind, you'll probably find Crumb has passed that way before. You'll also find he's been to one or two places you've never even heard of - for instance, the compulsion that afflicts him to jump on to the backs of powerful young women in the street, before becoming even more intimate with them.

Crumb is amazed by, and a little contemptuous of, the avalanche of attention he is now attracting from journals, museums and art galleries. But there are good reasons for this acclaim. His work from the 1960s and 1970s now has an irresistible nostalgic charm: it has the power to evoke the flavour of a lost time, when hippies and drugs and flower-power captured San Francisco.

There are other reasons why we salute him. Long before he matured into the cultural giant he is today, his huge talent was recognised instantly by the Newton of modern American comic strips, the late Harvey Kurtzman, the genius behind Mad Magazine and many other journals. Kurtzman published and wrote for Crumb's gods, the artists Will Elder, Jack Davis and Wallace Wood. Crumb was hired to do backgrounds on strips, but Kurtzman quickly saw that he was too talented to be anyone's assistant and advised him to concentrate on his own eccentric work. Crumb gracefully acknowledges his debt to these men and to others, including his brother Charles. In return, many line up to express their debt to him. Steve Martin says, "Crumb taught me how to walk," referring to Crumb's famous "Keep On Truckin'-" drawing. Robert Hughes writes, "I think that Crumb, basically he is the Breughel of the last half of the 20th century." This is just silly, and Crumb knows it. He publishes Hughes's remark, but accompanies it with the self-portrait above.

Crumb was admired by Harvey Kurtzman. It can't get better than that for a comic-strip artist.

Pre Oscar Party

this may be the event where Steve did NOT canoodle with Kristin Davis.

Daily News (New York)
February 28, 2005 Monday

An event made for moguls:

The H'wood power picnic

After week-long rains of biblical intensity, there was only a touch of muddy grass drying under the Saturday-afternoon sun - and those in high-heeled Pradas were fine as long as they stuck to the Persian carpets.

Once again, Barry Diller and Diane von Furstenberg opened their park-like Beverly Hills estate for their pre-Oscar picnic in honor of Vanity Fair's Graydon Carter.

And once again - along with the likes of Warren Beatty and sister Shirley MacLaine, Steve Martin, Nora Ephron, Elle MacPherson, Tori Spelling and Oliver Stone - the moguls converged like colliding planets.

News Corp.'s craggy-faced Rupert Murdoch (with wife Wendi Deng and young children in tow) chatted amiably with Sony USA's Howard Stringer, and CBS Chairman Les Moonves showed off bride Julie Chen, while Disney's Michael Eisner, wearing a bright-red cable-knit sweater and a navy fireman's cap, yukked it up with - wait, is it just my imagination? - his sworn enemies, DreamWorks co-founders David Geffen and Jeffrey Katzenberg, Geffen's best friend.

As Eisner and his new pals socialized, a single phrase - uttered by someone and repeated by Eisner - wafted mysteriously out of their conversational cluster: "Unprotected sex!"

Gales of laughter.

Elsewhere, environmental activist Laurie David, wife of curmudgeon Larry, dispensed pastel faux-leather "STOP GLOBAL WARMING" bracelets, snapping one into place on my wrist.

Beatty was sharing a confidence with Arianna Huffington when she stopped listening to answer her cell phone.

"Excuse me, am I interrupting?" Beatty quipped. "Tell them I'm not here."

Director Brett Ratner pulled Mariah Carey by the hand to a food station - but not without assuring me he's still dating Serena Williams.

And producer and manager-turnedParamount Pictures chief Brad Grey - who starts his new job tomorrow - wandered through the crowd and basked in all the conditional love.

"After this, I'm going to meet my wife at Brillstein-Grey and pack up my office in boxes," Grey told me. "It will be like the last episode of 'The Mary Tyler Moore Show,' where Mary has a box in one hand, waves goodbye to Lou Grant for the last time. 'Bye, Lou!' "

Steve is now listed as an exemplar of art collectors

The New York Times
March 18, 2005 Friday
Late Edition - Final
Section E; PT2; Column 3; Leisure/Weekend Desk; Inside Art; Pg. 38
By Carol Vogel

A Hopper at Auction

For years, Sotheby's American art sales have surpassed those of Christie's. But Christie's is fighting back: this spring it will auction ''Chair Car,'' a 1965 painting of a rail car's interior by Edward Hopper.

While Christie's will officially say only that an estimate is available to clients ''on request,'' its experts have been telling collectors that they believe it will sell for $15 million to $20 million. That would set a new record for Hopper's work at auction, beating ''South Truro Church'' (1930), which sold for $2.4 million at Sotheby's in 1990.

Rather than offer ''Chair Car'' in its American paintings auction, Christie's will include it in its evening sale of postwar and contemporary art on May 11.

''Hopper is an artist that fits comfortably in collections of traditional American paintings as well as postwar and contemporary art,'' said Marc Porter, president of Christie's Americas. ''You need only look at the collections of Steve Martin or Barney Ebsworth to see the central place of Hopper in 20th-century American painting,'' he said, referring to the actor and a St. Louis collector.

Including the painting in an auction of postwar and contemporary art is a way of attracting as many important international collectors as possible.

''These are the buyers with the deepest pockets,'' Mr. Porter said.

The Hoppers that have fetched big prices in recent decades were painted far earlier than ''Chair Car,'' mostly in the 1930's and 40's.

''Chair Car,'' the artist's penultimate painting, was executed in December 1964 and January 1965. While some experts consider these later works less desirable, others point out that Hoppers seldom come on the market -- and that this one, which depicts several seated figures on a train with light pouring through the windows, is beautiful, large (40 by 50 inches) and evokes a bygone era.

The painting is from the collection of David B. Pall, a chemist and inventor from Roslyn Estates, N.Y., who died in September.

Mr. Pall bought the painting directly from Hopper.

Steve guests in Rutles 2 video

Arkansas Democrat-Gazette (Little Rock)
March 24, 2005 Thursday
Heroes are happy campers in first season of '60s show

Notes without votes : More than 25 years after Monty Python member Eric Idle and Neil Innes, the genius behind most of Python's songs, created their Beatles-spoof band The Rutles and the release of its first mockumentary feature, All You Need Is Cash, comes the sequel, The Rutles 2: Can't Buy Me Lunch (Warner Home Video, $24.98), with special appearances by David Bowie, Mick Jagger, Jewel, Steve Martin, Bill Murray, Conan O'Brien, Bonnie Raitt and Robin Williams. Bonus material includes a "neverbefore-seen alternate ending," deleted scenes and a "bonus Easter Egg."


Steve guests in Rutles 2 video

Arkansas Democrat-Gazette (Little Rock)
March 24, 2005 Thursday
Heroes are happy campers in first season of '60s show

Notes without votes : More than 25 years after Monty Python member Eric Idle and Neil Innes, the genius behind most of Python's songs, created their Beatles-spoof band The Rutles and the release of its first mockumentary feature, All You Need Is Cash, comes the sequel, The Rutles 2: Can't Buy Me Lunch (Warner Home Video, $24.98), with special appearances by David Bowie, Mick Jagger, Jewel, Steve Martin, Bill Murray, Conan O'Brien, Bonnie Raitt and Robin Williams. Bonus material includes a "neverbefore-seen alternate ending," deleted scenes and a "bonus Easter Egg."
Thursday, March 24, 2005

Behind the Scenes Machinations with Steve?

thanks to the ever-alert KMT,1,3931363.story?coll=la-headlines-business-enter&ctrack=1&cset=true
L.A. Times
Simonds' choice: his, theirs or both?
March 22, 2005

WHEN it comes to doing the right thing, don't look for any cues from the entertainment business, not when Warner Music's top brass rakes in $21 million in salary and bonuses while firing 1,600 employees, and ex-con Martha Stewart gets a big payday for a new installment of "The Apprentice" while still under house arrest.

If you want to test your Showbiz Ethics IQ, try answering the following question:

You've produced a huge hit family comedy for Studio A about two parents coping with 12 kids, but the studio has been slow to get the sequel going. Meanwhile, you sign a producing deal at Studio B, which immediately asks you to remake a family comedy about two single parents who marry and find themselves with a family of 18 kids. What do you do?

• Tell Studio B that it would be a conflict to produce a movie that would clearly be seen as a rival film by Studio A?

• Tell Studio A to get someone else to oversee the sequel since you think Studio B's movie is more likely to get made?

• Proceed with both films.

As you've probably guessed, this isn't really a hypothetical. It's a true Hollywood story, the kind of shades-of-gray saga that illustrates why it's often so hard in showbiz to distinguish the swamp of venality from the moral high ground. The man in the middle is producer Robert Simonds, who produced "Cheaper by the Dozen," a remake that grossed $140 million in its U.S. theatrical run and even more in home video for 20th Century Fox after its Christmas 2003 release.

Simonds, a top comedy producer who's made a slew of Adam Sandler hits, had been developing a sequel to the original hit at Fox. But he also signed a new production deal to make comedies at MGM last July. The first film the studio gave him was "Yours, Mine and Ours," a remake of a 1968 comedy with Henry Fonda and Lucille Ball as a widower and a widow with 18 kids.

What happened next is subject to a considerable difference of opinion, though it is no secret in industry circles that Fox is upset with Simonds for producing a rival movie that could be in theaters as early as Thanksgiving, putting it comfortably ahead of Fox's "Cheaper" sequel. By the time Simonds was assigned the MGM film, Fox had made little progress with its sequel. Simonds and Shawn Levy, who'd directed the first "Cheaper" film, had pitched several short ideas to the studio at the beginning of the year but never received a go-ahead for a script. It was only in August, after Simonds' involvement with "Yours, Mine and Ours" was announced in the trades, that Fox moved ahead on a screenplay with Sam Harper, who'd written the original film.

Fox President Hutch Parker says the studio didn't dawdle. "I thought we actually had a quick turnaround for this kind of film. We really wanted the sequel to stand on its own and take us to a place we hadn't gone in the original."

Simonds says that when he first told Fox about his role in the rival project, the studio did nothing to stop him, though Parker told him he would "eventually" have to choose one or the other. As a seasoned producer, Simonds was accustomed to juggling a lot of projects, knowing most of them would collapse along the way. So he viewed his decision to work on both movies as a pragmatic choice.

"Based on my experience of making 30 movies at various studios over the years, I always thought that the likelihood of both movies actually happening was an impossibility," he says. "I never felt there was a conflict. There were so many uncertainties, with Fox not having made a deal with Steve Martin [who starred in 2003's "Cheaper"] and MGM in the process of being sold, that I never believed both movies would get made."

Simonds put more stock in "Yours, Mine and Ours" not only because it had a finished script long before Fox did but also because he suspected Martin was still on the fence about committing to make Fox's sequel. Simonds was in a position to know. All through last fall, when the rivalry between the two films was heating up, Simonds was producing "The Pink Panther" at MGM, with Martin in the starring role. It's possible that Fox didn't deliver an ultimatum to Simonds during that period because the studio didn't want to alienate the producer, knowing he had the star's ear at a time when Fox needed Martin's commitment to move ahead with its sequel.

Simonds and Martin spent more time together than they'd initially imagined, because early "Pink Panther" research screenings did not go well, forcing MGM to push back the movie's release date and return to Canada in January for reshoots. At roughly the same time, Simonds tried one last time to extricate himself from his sticky predicament by saying he would leave the MGM project and devote himself to the Fox sequel. But MGM balked, saying he was too far down the road with their film, which by then had a director, Raja Gosnell, and two stars, Dennis Quaid and Rene Russo (who'd ironically been Fox's original choice to costar in "Cheaper by the Dozen"). MGM chief Chris McGurk says reports that the studio threatened to sue Simonds for breach of contract were exaggerated.

"We said we'd be really unhappy if he left a movie that we'd already green-lit," McGurk explains. "We let Bob know that if he had a moral dilemma about his obligations to Fox, he had an even greater moral dilemma at MGM, where he had his deal and where we'd brought him onto 'The Pink Panther,' one of our most cherished properties."

With no room left to maneuver, Simonds told Fox he was staying on the MGM project. The decision did not endear him to the Fox brass, who took him off their film. It was shortly afterward, at a test screening for "Rebound," a Martin Lawrence comedy Simonds was also producing for Fox, that Fox Co-Chairman Tom Rothman confronted Simonds, saying he was unhappy over how the producer had handled the situation.

Fox's Parker says the studio's conflict with Simonds has been blown out of proportion. "There's no bad blood," he says. "But to have the same guy on both movies seemed like a bad idea."

He also downplays the similarities between the two films. "Overlap in content happens all the time," he says. "In [2003] we had 'Master and Commander' and Disney had 'Pirates of the Caribbean,' which both have fighting men and ships on the seas, and they both did very well."

Having finally signed Martin to return in the starring role, Fox is now moving ahead with its sequel, with "Bringing Down the House" director Adam Shankman at the helm and Levy, the director of the first film, assuming Simonds' role as producer. The studio says it is "optimistic" that the rest of the original cast will return as well. But "Yours, Mine and Ours" has a sizable head start. It begins shooting in two weeks, its script having been recently rewritten by Paul and Chris Weitz, the filmmakers who made "About a Boy."

The picture, which is being released here by Paramount (which owns half the film), will probably be marketed under Paramount's kid-friendly Nickelodeon banner, with some of the younger roles filled by actors from Nickelodeon shows.

Fox's "Cheaper" sequel won't start until June at the earliest, meaning the studio will either have to follow "Yours" at Christmas or hold the film until next summer.

For Simonds, the outcome is bittersweet. By leaving the "Cheaper" sequel, he gives up a big payday. But while he may suffer a few bruises to his reputation, if he has a hit with the rival film, he should escape relatively unscathed.

Far worse offenses have been forgiven the minute the opening-weekend numbers arrived. In showbiz, success is the balm that heals all wounds. If Simonds finds himself with a hot new script next month, it would hardly be a surprise to see him back on the Fox lot, greeted with open arms.

Simonds even seems to half-realize he should have seen what a messy mosh pit lay ahead. "I tried to do the right thing," he says. "If there was a mistake, it was that I got caught in a place where there was no simple solution."

Maybe I'm letting Simonds off easy, but in Hollywood, when it comes to doing the right thing, you have to grade on a curve. It's a business devoted to the fine art of justifying all sorts of preposterous contradictions. Stars want gobs of good publicity and total privacy — all at the same time. Studios endlessly pursue the hippest new filmmakers only to put them to work remaking junky old TV shows.

Why should Simonds be any different? He lives in the land where everybody wants to have it all.
Monday, March 21, 2005

CIA Unveils Old Bin Laden Tape

and a big hello to emdashes

New Yorker; 3/7/2005, Vol. 81 Issue 3, p47, Shouts and Murmurs.
C.I.A. Unveils Old Bin Laden Tape
Steve Martin

Soldier: Glory! We're off on Thursday! Let me give you the phone number where I'll be.
Osama: Great, give it to me.
Soldier: You don't have a pen.
Osama: I can remember it.
Solider: You don't want to write it down?
Osama: No, I can remember.
Soldier: O.K., you would dial zero zero six nine five three eight four twelve twelve six two fourteen ten four seven seven one eight nineteen eight six seven.
Osama: O.K., I got it.
Soldier: You're sure? You want to say it back to me?
Osama; No, not necessary; I got it. Regular bunch of numbers. Now go! Virgins!

Steve speaks at Spamalot
New York Post Online Edition
March 21, 2005
Cindy Adams

**** If you just want to laugh a lot, see "Spamalot."

Mike Nichols' direction is brilliant. The cast is glorious. So's the audience. David Bowie: "I go to few Broadway openings. I'm here because Eric Idle's my friend." Oliver Platt: "I don't go to Broadway openings. I'm here because Hank Azaria's my friend." Lauren Hutton: "The Pythons are my friends. Otherwise I rarely go to openings." She nearly didn't go to this one either because she couldn't find her tickets. Marisa Tomei shared pretzels with me during intermission. Marlo Thomas showed alone. The husband's in Florida playing golf. Steve Martin, who starred in the "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels" movie: "I haven't seen 'Scoundrels' yet but I think I'm in it." Tommy Tune: "I'm nervous opening night even when I'm not in the show."
Friday, March 18, 2005

Steve offers proof

no freeloader, he.

Steve Sees Spamalot
CBS News
Stars Come Out For 'Spamalot'
NEW YORK, March 18, 2005

(CBS/AP) Whoopi Goldberg, Candice Bergen, Steve Martin and Carly Simon were among the celebrities who turned out on Thursday night for the Broadway debut of "Monty Python's Spamalot," a stage adaptation of the 1975 film "Monty Python and the Holy Grail."

Buzz about the show has been building for months, and it is already a hit, with tickets to the musical sold out through June.

"Spamalot" also looks to be an artistic success, with glowing reviews greeting the opening.

"It seems safe to say that such a good time is being had by so many people (including the cast) at the Shubert Theater that this fitful, eager celebration of inanity will find a large and lucrative audience among those who value the virtues of shrewd idiocy, artful tackiness and wide-eyed impiety," said the New York Times.

Wrote the Washington Post's theater critic: "With 'hit' practically tattooed on its dizzy derriere, Monty Python's "Spamalot" opened last night at the Sam S. Shubert Theatre in a musical production so eager to please that it would, if it could, order you a cocktail and serve you a home-cooked meal."

The show stars Tim Curry, who played transvestite Dr. Frank-N-Furter in "The Rocky Horror Picture Show," David Hyde Pierce, of television's "Frasier," and Hank Azaria, who stars in the Showtime series "Huff."

Director Mike Nichols says it's a very fine theater company.

Also at the opening was original Python member Eric Idle, who penned the story and lyrics for the musical and co-wrote the music with John Du Prez. Idle said adapting the original to the stage was "challenging enough."

The five living members of the original cast — Idle, John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Terry Jones and Michael Palin — briefly posed for photographs and waved to fans. A sixth member, Graham Chapman, died in 1989.
Sunday, March 13, 2005

Attention, NY Steve Watchers

Opening date: March 17, 2005, Thursday (and also St. Patrick's Day).

The New York Post
March 11, 2005 Friday
Pg. 51
Michael Riedel

CAN "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels" withstand the coming "Spamalot" onslaught?

That's the big question on Broadway right now - one week after "Scoundrels" opened to mixed reviews and one week before the opening of "Spamalot," the season's indisputable juggernaught.

Among the town's entertainment and media elite, the most sought-after ticket by far is for the opening night of "Spamalot."

"They're coming out of the woodwork," says a production source who's trying to cope with the demand. Another says, "People are very, very anxious to get in."

Those who've made the cut include Steve Martin, David Bowie, Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker, and Eddie Izzard.
Friday, March 11, 2005

Steve, what are you thinking?

thanks, kmt
Shankman Helming Cheaper Sequel
March 11, 2005

Adam Shankman (Bringing Down the House) will direct 20th Century Fox's sequel to Cheaper by the Dozen, reuniting with him with topliner Steve Martin, says Variety.

The deal calls for Shankman to begin pre-production immediately and have the film ready to start principal photography by June.

The story is again by Sam Harper (Just Married) and follows the 12-kid family on vacation and in a head-to-head competition with a rival neighborhood family of eight kids.

"Cheaper" co-stars Bonnie Hunt and Piper Perabo's deals are being worked out but Hilary Duff's return is still questionable. The original, released in 2003, grossed $138 million.

Steve's new TV show

from umm...
Thursday, March 10, 2005 - 4:10 PM
Development Update: March 10
By The Futon Critic Staff

LOS ANGELES ( -- The latest development news, culled from recent wire reports:

MINDY & BRENDA (The WB) - Virginia Williams ("As the World Turns") has scored one of the title roles while Simon Rex ("What I Like About You") and Josh Janowicz ("Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle") have been cast in the project, about two twentysomething women, former college roommates and best friends living together on the cheap in Brooklyn. Williams will play Brenda, who's described in the casting notice as: "23-25. All-American beauty and just as funny, she is Mindy's best friend and roommate, also a post-college, pre-marriage. Organized, efficient and and a go-getter, often having to cover for Mindy, Brenda keeps Mindy from getting into too much trouble. They have been best friends since college and together make the perfect comedy duo." As for Rex and Janowicz, it's not clear from the casting notice which characters they'll play. Marcy Carsey, Tom Werner, Steve Martin, Joan Stein, Mindy Kaling and Brenda Withers are the executive producers of the project, which is set up at the Carsey-Warner studio and the Martin-Stein Co.

Steve at Art Show

umm... found this. Steve, is this your alibi? :)

The Art Show 2005 Reports Extraordinary Sales
Today's News

March 11, 2005

The Gaze of Desire - Surrealist Photography Opens
The Art Show 2005 Reports Extraordinary Sales

NEW YORK.- The nation’s leading art galleries came together for one of the most successful art fairs in their history at the Seventh Regiment Armory in New York City during the last week of February. Organized by the Art Dealers Association of America (ADAA), to benefit Henry Street Settlement, The Art Show 2005, which concluded its five-day run on Monday, February 28, reported extraordinary sales and drew rave reviews. This year’s Show of 70 ADAA galleries was also notable for its increased presentation of an outstanding selection of museum quality contemporary paintings, sculpture, drawings, prints, photography and video.

The Art Show Gala Preview, held Wednesday, February 23, attracted a glittering crowd of art world, business and media leaders including numerous celebrities. The event raised a record amount (more than $1,000,000) for Henry Street Settlement, a pioneering social services and arts agency located on New York’s Lower East Side.

“The 2005 Art Show was attended by markedly younger audience, and met with an enthusiastic reception,” noted Richard Solomon, President of both the ADAA and Pace Prints. “It was considered by many to be the most diverse, contemporary and exciting Art Show in years. The dealers were ecstatic.”

“Unequivocally, the collectors had nothing but great praise for The Art Show,” said Roland Augustine, Chair of The Art Show committee and partner in Luhring Augustine.

Despite two snowstorms, more than 12,000 attended the show from the preview on Wednesday, February 23 through the last day on Monday, February 28, including top collectors, museum curators and critics. Celebrities have always flocked to The Art Show and this year an outstanding group came to see the Show, including Steve Martin, Katie Couric, Jerry Stiller, Tracey Ulman, Bianca Jagger, Salman Rushdie, Ben Gazzara, Mike Nichols and Anthony Edwards. Artists and artworld luminaries are also easy to spot, among them Glenn D. Lowry, Leonard A. Lauder, Steve Cohen, Agnes Gund, Donald Marron, David Ganek, Aby Rosen, Christopher Wool, Chuck Close, Will Barnet, and Yoko Ono all put in appearances this year.

“The success of The Art Show will provide great assistance to Henry Street Settlement’s efforts to offer essential programs and services to the people of the Lower East Side,” noted Jeffrey Tucker, Co-Chair, Henry Street Settlement Art Show Committee. “We thank the dealers of the ADAA for helping achieve this goal.”

Sales Highlights - A number of dealers at The Art Show reported sold-out shows. At Pace Wildenstein, New York, the Isamu Noguchi solo exhibition was a complete sell out. Noguchi is the sixth solo exhibition organized by the gallery for The Art Show.

CRG Gallery, New York, offered a revolving exhibition of three one-person shows. A solo exhibition by Jim Hodges was sold out. Overall, the gallery sold 22 works ranging from $4,000 to $140,000. Barbara Krakow Gallery, Boston, reported a sold-out exhibition. The gallery sold to a number of collectors from outside New York, and visited with museum groups that were in attendance. Artists shown in booth included: Kiki Smith, Louise Bourgeois, Donald Judd, Sol Lewitt, Fred Sandback, Allan McCollum and Julian Opie.

Luhring Augustine, New York, reported $1,000,000 in sales of works by Christopher Wool whose iconic text pieces were presented in their booth in a solo exhibition. All of the original work by Wool had sold out. In addition, Luhring Augustine oversaw the publication of a new print that was sold solely for the benefit of Henry Street Settlement. The Christopher Wool aquatint is available for $1,500 and 28 were sold at the show.

A first time exhibitor at The Art Show, Friedrich Petzel Gallery, New York, was pleased with excellent results and did extremely well with painting, selling a large work by Charline von Heyl and three paintings by Troy Brauntuch. Cheim & Read, New York, reported a successful show, having sold two Joan Mitchell works for $150,000 and $850,000, and a Louise Bourgeois for $350,000. The gallery was delighted with the quality of attendees: “highly informed collectors and astute art advisors.” Anthony Meier Fine Arts, San Francisco, made multiple sales to top New York collectors including four works by Gerhard Richter and an important ceramic by Lucio Fontana.

Marian Goodman Gallery, New York, was highly satisfied by sales of work by Thomas Struth, Daniel Buren, Gerhard Richter and John Baldessari. Brent Sikkema, New York, sold out an edition of six Vik Muniz photographs featured in a two-person installation in their booth. Sperone Westwater, New York, reported sales of works by Carla Accardi, Guillermo Kuitca and Lucio Fontana. A monumental camel entitled Pleistocene Skeleton, 1970, by Nancy Graves at Ameringer & Yohe Fine Art, New York, was priced at $200,000 and sold to a major U.S. museum.

Works by Willem De Kooning sold well at The Art Show. Mitchell-Innes & Nash, New York, sold a 1949 painting entitled Seated Woman priced at just over $3 million to a private out of town collector. Richard Gray Gallery, New York and Chicago, reported the sale of a 1976 oil, Figures in a Landscape No. 1 priced at $850,000, to a private collector from the New York area, as well as a Miro sculpture for $275,000.

A number of galleries felt The Art Show 2005 was their best show ever. Fraenkel Gallery, San Francisco, noted it was the strongest show to date. Among the works sold were 12 photographs by Diane Arbus to a collector who is gifting the work to a major European museum. Joan T. Washburn Gallery, New York, agreed it was the best show yet, selling 10 works from $5,000 to $350,000 from artists such as Mark Rothko, David Smith and George Sugarman. “Last year was great and this year was even better,” noted Thomas Segal Gallery, Baltimore, which sold more than 20 works including those by Cy Twombly.

Achim Moeller Fine Art, New York, reported that a curator from a major American museum flew to New York specifically to see an 1872 landscape by Alfred Sisley, which was on view for the first time in 45 years. (A nearly identical painting is in the collection of the Louvre,Paris.) Babcock Galleries, New York sold four paintings by Will Barnet ranging in price from $100,000 to $250,000. Galerie Lelong, New York, reported sales of work by Jane Hammond, Kate Shepherd and Petah Coyne and met museum colleagues and collectors from all over the country. Hans P. Kraus Jr., Inc., New York, sold a number of photographs to major U.S. and international institutions including Roger Fenton’s The Valley of the Shadow of Death, 1855, to a European museum for six figures.

Susan Sheehan Gallery, New York, sold a total of 15 works for $12,000 to $120,000 to all new clients. Knoedler & Company, New York, reported excellent sales of major works by Robert Motherwell, Jules Olitski, Judith Rothschild, David Smith, James Castle, and Frank Stella. Margo Leavin Gallery, Los Angeles, new to the fair this year, noted sales of ten works by Brice Marden, John Baldessari, Sherrie Levine, Robert Longo, Sandeep Mukherjee, and others.

In the Latin American market, Mary-Anne Martin/Fine Art, New York, was delighted by a number of major sales including a long lost illustration of a scene depicting the Harlem Renaissance by the Mexican artist Miguel Covarrubias circa 1926, which was purchased by a Mexican museum. Sculpture by Isabel De Obaldia and Fernando Botero, and a Deigo Rivera drawing also found buyers. CDS Gallery, New York, noted the sale of an oil by Armando Reverón for $350,000.

Pace Prints, New York, reported “an outstanding fair” with sales of five Picasso prints among others as well several pieces of African Art from Pace Primitive. Forum Gallery, New York and Los Angeles, noted that their sales were “excellent” at The Art Show. The gallery sold a portrait by Robert Henri in the mid six figures as well as a number of works by their contemporary artists rang
Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Steve's Pink Panther Clown Car, er, fortwo

PR Newswire US
March 7, 2005 Monday
Face in the Crowd: 'Pink Panther's' Inspector Clouseau Chases Criminals in a smart fortwo

BOBLINGEN, Germany, March 7 /PRNewswire/ -- In "Pink Panther", the new film from Metro Goldwyn Mayer, Inspector Jacques Clouseau (played by Steve Martin) will be chasing criminals in a smart fortwo. Together with his partner Ponton (Jean Reno) he has been given the task of solving the murder of a world-famous football trainer.

But the story is not just about murder. At the same time a ring with an invaluable diamond has disappeared -- known worldwide as the "Pink Panther."

As well as Steve Martin and Jean Reno, the "Pink Panther" cast includes Beyonce Knowles (playing herself: a pop star) and Kevin Kline (Inspector Clouseau and Ponton's boss). The new "Pink Panther" movie will come to theatres before the end of the year.

The "Pink Panther" achieved cult status in earlier films starring Peter Sellers. However unlike in the past, Inspector Clouseau now also drives the right car for the part: The smart fortwo is considered the "it" vehicle in many European cities such as Rome, Paris, London and Berlin. Driving a smart is about more than just getting from A to B. For the owners of a smart, their car is also an expression of their personality and their lifestyle.

Anders Sundt Jensen, Vice President Marketing & Sales at smart says: "There is a good reason why Inspector Clouseau chose a smart fortwo as a police car. Both have a strong character and are the 'face in the crowd' as it were. And last but not least: Steve Martin can get around the city quickly in a smart fortwo."

See pictures here
Sunday, March 06, 2005

A Steve sighting in January

from Junkie...
Ted Casablanca's The Awful Truth
January 27, 2005

Pampered were...

Steve Martin & Diane Keaton Steve Martin and Diane Keaton, arriving arm in arm at swanky Chaya. Bev Hills adjacent. On the eve of the 19th Annual American Cinematheque Award tribute to S.M., the two longtime pals joined two ladies in the far corner fer a late night supper. Steve-doll sported a pencil-thin Gomez Addams mustache, and Diane-hon was in her usual Annie Hall regalia.
Saturday, March 05, 2005

Why Steve's fans are all older

Science, that's why.

See: Why 8-year-olds cannot tell the difference between Steve Martin and Paul Newman:: Factors contributing to the slow development of sensitivity to the spacing of facial features. Mondloch, Catherine J.; Dobson, Kate S.; Parsons, Julie; Maurer, Daphne. Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, Oct 2004, Vol. 89 Issue 2, p159, 23p.
Friday, March 04, 2005

I'll give Steve more than equal time

i have posted two gossip items linking Steve and Kristin Davis that have recently appeared in the news.

Steve has promptly issued a denial on his official website. i give him more than equal time here since there may be some of my readers who don't follow the official site closely.

here is the word straight from Steve:
false rumor
Hi All,

FYI, the Kristin Davis rumor is perfect example of careless reporting and is utterly false.

March 4, 2005


Someone Liked PP

umm... found a positive review from the advanced screening.
Latest News
Friday March 4th, 2005
An Early "Pink Panther" Review
Posted: Friday March 4th, 2005 5:55pm
Source: Dark Horizons
Author: Garth Franklin

A test screening for the remake took place the other week in Los Angeles and a reader has just chimed in with his take:

"The Pink Panther" - A Review by 'Stay Cool'
I was at the Pink Panther test screening in Century City on Monday and thought I'd send you this review. I don't know when this movie is coming out. Before I got this I didn't know there even was a new Pink Panther. I remember seeing the original at some point when I was a kid, but not enough to compare them:

THE PLOT: After a televised murder (of Jason Statham from Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels) where the Pink Panther diamond is stolen Inspector Clouseau (Steve Martin) is called in to investigate. But not really. His boss, Chief Inspector Dreyfus (Kevin Kline in smarmy mode) has picked Clouseau because he is the worse cop in France and sure to mess up the high profile case, so that he, Dreyfus, can swoop in, solve the case and win France's highest award The Medal of Honor... The truth is, he hates Clouseau, thinks he's an idiot and holds his nose whenever he has to talk to him.

Dreyfus assigns Jean Reno to be Clouseau's partner (and straight man), and the 2 take off in pursuit of the killer jewel thief. Now I'm a big Jean Reno fan from Leon. He's great in this movie. Those two together- awesome. Then we meet Beyonce as a witness to the murder and the victim's girlfriend. She's supposed to be the femme fatal of the movie who everyone thinks did it except Inspector Clouseau. "Leave her alone! Can't you see she's sexy?!?!" I'll give Beyonce that but not much else. Hot, yes. Great actress, not so much. There was another uber hottie in this movie and that's Clouseau's secretary Nicole.

THE GOOD : So, is it funny? Effin hell yes. Steve Martin plays Clouseau as an asshat impressed with his own genius. The best parts of the movie are the small scenes where you get to watch Cluoseau struggle with English or etiquette. He also trashes anything he comes in contact with. It's just chaos all the time and, we (two of my buddies were with me) all agreed these parts were awesome.

Steve Martin is a great comedian. Jean Reno is just a badass without even opening his mouth, but he has to give Clouseau the smackdown every once in a while which was genius. Kudos to the director for putting them together. Kevin Kline is funny too, as the polar opposite of Clouseau who hates him. Emily Mortimer, who plays Clouseau's hottie secretary was really good at physical comedy. The scenes with her getting too close to Clouseau were awesome. (They said they were still tweaking the movie, so I hope the stick more of her in it.)

THE BAD: Beyonce is a great singer. In this movie, I just kept thinking- WHY? She's not funny. She's barely in it. She was good as Foxxy Cleopatra and hot to look at with an unbelievable body, but just not funny enough to be in this movie. And then there was the score, which did that thing where it tells you something funny is going to happen just before it happens which makes it less funny.

BOTTOM LINE: It was good enough for me to put the original Pink Panther on my Netflix list. I haven't laughed that hard in along time.
Thursday, March 03, 2005

Time to start a new romance page on the main site

KMT brings us the latest. Steve has spent a lot of time in NYC in the last year. I guess he got something from Sex in the City.
03/03/2005 14:06

Former SEX AND THE CITY beauty KRISTIN DAVIS has reportedly found love with
a veteran comic almost 20 years her senior - STEVE MARTIN.

The TV star and the FATHER OF THE BRIDE funnyman have reportedly enjoyed a
series of intimate dates and were holding hands at a pre-OSCARS party in Los
Angeles on Sunday (27FEB05), reports Britain's DAILY STAR newspaper.

And pals of the pair claim Martin, 59, is so smitten, he threw a surprise
party for Davis to celebrate her 40th birthday last month (23FEB05).

One friend says, "It's the real thing - they have become very close. They
are ready to let people know they are an item. They tried to act like they
were not together at the party but couldn't stop stealing kisses."
Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Another Pink Panther Pan
Cool News
Published on Tuesday, March 1, 2005
A Worthwhile Review Of The Worthless PINK PANTHER Remake!!

Hi, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab...
This is a great test screening review because this guy knows his stuff. Check this out:

Hey Moriarty

I just got back from a screening of the "remake" or "re-envisioning" of the Pink Panther at the MGM tower over on Constellation Blvd., and thought I’d give my two cents (for whatever the hell that’s worth).

I won’t bore you with my lunchtime ham sandwich or the musty guy speaking in tongues behind me in line. What I will bore you with is my love of Peter Sellers and the original movies.

I'll be honest... I own them all, but rarely watch them completely through anymore. Nowadays I just zero in on Sellers in action, cutting through the fat that is plot to what we all paid to see. With the exception of the original Pink Panther and A Shot in the Dark, the Pink Panther movies’ plots had the strength of a Bates Motel shower curtain. They were there only to give Clouseau "motivation" to bumble his way to the finish line. But hey, I ain't complaining, because watching Sellers work both broad and subtle (remember this word) comedy in the same scene was watching brilliance in action. The key to Clouseau is that he doesn’t think he’s in a comedy. Nearly everyone is playing it straight, including himself. He thinks he’s the brilliant star of his own murder mystery, even when he leaps over parallel bars and down a flight of stairs. He responds to the flaming wreckage of his ineptness with the "oh my" grace of a man that merely tripped on the curb.

Okay, plot first--like I said before, plots aren’t that important in a Panther movie (at least not to me). In this new one, Jason Statham is a rich soccer team owner that is murdered before a live audience and robbed of the Pink Panther diamond. Beyounce Knowles (sure, she’s just in here as eye candy, but me and my wang ain’t complaining) plays his fiancée, who is also suspected of being involved in the homicide/robbery. Kevin Kline plays Chief Inspector Dreyfus, who assigns Clouseau (Martin) to the case as a decoy to draw attention away from his own investigation. He assigns Jean Reno to assist him and "keep tabs."

That said, in this new version we get a Clouseau with the functionality of a mentally "challenged" person trying to climb a tree with his ass. Which is kinda suprising, because I was hoping that Steve Martin, being a comedic genius in his own right, understood what made the character work. Meaning this: if I were to ask myself at age seven why I liked Inspector Clouseau, I probably would have said something simple, like, "‘Cuz he’s funny! The funny talking man hit his head!" And then crapped my pants. (I had issues.)

And that’s what this movie feels like. We get a lot of Clouseau tripping, falling, farting (yes, farting), inflicting pain on himself and others, but with none of that subtlety that always accompanied the gags. When I was seven, I laughed at Clouseau falling through a hole in the floor. Now I laugh at Seller’s subtle facial expressions before and after the fall. Martin’s Clouseau, while not horrible, just feels like a live-action cartoon. He’s such an imbecile, such a retard, that he has to do something completely stupid in every single scene, every single second. In one scene, in order to show a suspect he is interrogating how his electrical "interrogation" device works, he hooks it up to his own balls and turns it on. Clouseau wasn’t bright, but he ain’t missing that many brain cells. You can see the jokes coming a mile away because in this version, Clouseau must do something stupid every single moment. It feels like Martin (who also co-wrote the screenplay) threw every gag and joke he could in the script, hoping they would all stick and not fall to the floor with a thud. And yes, some gags do work. But at the end of the day, you still have a big pile of not funny to scoop up. After all, this is the Pink Panther, not the Naked Gun. Sellers could turn simple objects like a light bulb and a lamp into a hilarious ten minute scene. I think... I know... Martin can do it. He just doesn’t let the gag naturally play itself out. It all just feels too forced.

But besides the rapid fire gags and absence of subtlety, I had a few other issues with the flick.

One is the lack of wonderfully bad Clouseau disguises (though there is one brief disguise scene where he and Jean Reno blend in with the wallpaper). I would have liked to have seen Martin dip into his own personal character bag and play Clouseau trying to play it straight in a clearly ridiculous disguise.

The second missing piece is absence of all things Kato. Okay…granted, "little yellow friend" or "man servant" may come off as racist for people todaybut it just doesn’t work. Clouseau is constantly trying to attack him, but as the "straight man", Reno never gets hit, always karate chops Clouseau to his knees…so why is that funny? Why even include it, then? I loved to see Kato and Clouseau beat the hell out of each other…but you can’t have one side of the carnage represented and not the other.

The third, final missing piece is Blake Edward’s direction. The man knew how to stage a gag and to give his actors room to play it out. While the direction wasn't bad, I just felt in my gut jokes could’ve been staged a little better. (But now I'm nitpicking.) The score used was a temp (a collection of the previous Panther scores), but I hope this new director knows when to use music cues for gags, and when to shut the hell up and let the action play by itself. I hate when movies use dopey cue music to let the audience know "Hey, this is a funny scene!" instead of using the silence as a funny counter-point to the action. Check out the old Panther movies and you’ll see what I mean.

All right, some positives. Kevin Kline is great as Dreyfus. He plays Dreyfus' utter contempt with Clouseau and his confusion with his bumbling into the world’s accolades with just the right tone... and, yes, subtle humor. Sure, he’s broad at times, but he mixes it up in a manner that would make Herbert Lom proud.

Some of the gags do work. There are more than a few jokes centered on Clouseau's inability to properly pronounce words (which leads to a funny scene with him working with an English coach to try and say the word “hamburger”). And the final scenes with him and Dreyfus harkens back to the grand physical gags of the good old Sellers/Lom days. But for every joke that does click, there’s an over the top scene with a fish eating Clouseau's jacket while both his hands are stuck in vases, or an egg falling from Clouseau's balcony, clocking a biker, and causing him to hit a nearby newsstand, which, in turn, explodes in a ball of fire. Um…huh?

All in all, it's ten times... no, one hundred times better than the god-awful Son of the Pink Panther. But it isn't a pimple on Sellers’ shadow’s ass. It's just okay. But then again, in all fairness, those are some awfully big shoes to fill (just ask Geoffery Rush). So, if watching people run face first into trees and get kneed in the groin makes you piss yourself (or you like America’s Funniest Home Videos), then by all means, bring some depends to this one. Maybe for the generation that hasn’t seen the old movies, this will be as funny to them as the originals were for us oldies in the sixties and seventies. Maybe if I didn't have the baggage of Sellers' performances, I would've enjoyed it more. But once you’ve seen Michael Jordan slam it home from the free throw line, it's kinda hard to be impressed by a simple lay up.

Eddie Arkadian
Thanks, man. Nice work.
"Moriarty" out.

Warning: Spoilers and Negativity on Pink Panther Preview

i'm a fan, not a sycophant. KMT found this and passed it on to me. i'm posting it because i provide information on Steve and this is fair. but if you don't want to read anything negative or movie spoilers, pass it by.
Pink Panther Review!
1 March 2005
by Mike Sampson

I'm a real big fan of Steve Martin. Not quite CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN Steve Martin but more like THE JERK, THREE AMIGOS, BOWFINGER, ALL OF ME, etc. I really dig his style of comedy and think he's one of the most talented comedians/humorists alive. Yet I have an impending sense of doom about his upcoming role in THE PINK PANTHER. Something about it just seems... Well I guess the reviewer below sums it up right about nicely. He got to see a test screening the other night and wasn't exactly won over. OK, he pretty much hated it. Then again the movie isn't set to hit theaters until this summer and director Shawn Levy and Martin may have some time to fine tune this thing. After all, comedies are the films that benefit the most from these test screenings. Hopefully it will improve vastly on what MovieManMenzel saw the other day. Here's his review, which does contain a few spoilers...

How could anything with Kevin Kline and Steve Martin be so unfunny? A disgrace to Peter Sellers.

While I was outside the Vanity Fair Oscar party last night hoping to meet a few celebrities, some guy walked up to me and asked me if I wanted to attend a free test Screening of THE PINK PANTHER starring Steve Martin, Kevin Kline and Beyonce. I saw the trailer for the film quite some time ago and I didn't get a great impression from it but I said it has to be good, with funny man Steve Martin and the usually great Kevin Kline starring I was like I will definitely check this out. So I headed up to Los Angeles tonight at MGM and watched the film.

Steve Martin plays Inspector Jacques Clouseau who as almost everyone knows is playing the role made famous by Peter Sellers. Clouseau is a bumbling detective who is hired by Chief Inspector Dreyfus (Kevin Kline) to investigate the murder of a famous soccer coach played by Jason Statham. So the bumbling Clouseau with the help of Gendarme Gilbert Ponton (Jean Reno) must solve the case and stop this murderer from murdering again.

You know I really love Steve Martin and seen almost everything the man has been in from THE MAN WITH TWO BRAINS to CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN, I have seen almost every film he has been in except for a few. I have never been really disappointed with Martin until this film. I mean seriously he played a bumbling detective but I mean with no clue at all. His character was so dumb that even an 7 year old would say this guy is so stupid. I didn't like how he portrayed the character at all. Kevin Kline is one of my favorite actors who appeared in great films like DAVE, A FISH CALLED WANDA (one of the funniest films ever), and LIFE AS A HOUSE to name a few. However, this role was not a good one and can be compared to his awful role in WILD WILD WEST. Mr. Kline should know better, the guy is a great actor. His character like Mr. Martin's was again over the top stupid. I mean between the two of them, I felt like my IQ dropped a few points while watching this film. As for Jean Reno he was the best character and is far to good of an actor to be in a comedy like this. The man was the f*cking PROFESSIONAL for crying out loud! And finally we have Beyonce who was so miscast that it was just mind-boggling how anyone would have said let's get Beyonce for this role. Funny how earlier tonight, I was talking with my friend Mike about Beyonce and he said she had talent. I agree when it comes to singing but please say away from acting. Between this role and the role in GOLDMEMBER I had enough of her presence on the big screen. She is not a good actress, she is just there to be sexy and if she needs to be in films, then she needs to play a smaller role, not a lead but then again there are enough actresses out there who are sexy and have talent like Scarlett Johansson & Natalie Portman.

You know I cant believe how horrible the script was. Who the hell wrote this? I asked myself. When I found out I was shocked. Steve Martin himself (BOWFINGER, ROXANNE, THE THREE AMIGOS), Len Blum (PRIVATE PARTS & BEETHOVEN'S 2ND), and Michael Saltzman (The TV series “Wings” & “Murphy Brown”). I want to try to place as little of the blame on Steve Martin because he wrote the three films I just listed next to his name and those films are creative and funny. So what happened with this one? Who wrote in the sex gags? Seriously we had 4 sex gags involving Clouseau and his secretary Nicole (Emily Mortimer). Ok one was enough; we didn't need four of them. The one where Nicole asked Clouseau to help her get down from the table and she jumped on him and her crotch was in his face was enough. We didn't need the pants measuring one, or the Heimlich procedure one. It wasn't funny the first time and it wasn't funny the fourth time, plus it's been done before and was really not needed at all. Also who wrote the fart joke? Note to Hollywood stop with fart jokes, we aren't in the 80s anymore and they aren't funny. I mean it didn't even fit in. Here is Clouseau interrogating Xania and all of the sudden he says oh did you say that's a soundproof room and when he gets the sign saying yes it is, he goes in there and farts. I mean wow what a great piece of writing and a terrific part in the film! Give me a break. Also Clouseau problem saying Hamburger was amusing for about 2 seconds but they played that gag out way to much. The comedy in this film was very little, most was done before or was extremely dumb or over the top that I just felt appalled by the jokes. Oh and one final thing, who ever wrote in the Viagra joke, should never be allowed to touch a keyboard again. So Clouseau is going to get some action from Xania. Why no one really knows or understands it but maybe a good time filler and a great way to show off Beyonce’s body. So Clouseau goes into the bathroom not to change or wash his hands but to get Viagra and hahaha what happens next his last pill falls down the drain! Oh the comedy stop it, my belly is hurting with pain because its so funny. So he leaves the hotel to go get Viagra but the pharmacy is closed so he uses his spy tool to crack the window to get some Viagra. Once he gets it, Beyonce is all in lingerie on the couch but then the fire alarm in the hotel goes off and there is poor Clouseau standing outside with a hard on and people starring at it. Oh so funny, I forgot to laugh.

Director Shawn Levy was in charge of the directing of this film. Mr. Levy directed CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN which was a film I did enjoy. I come from a big family and the movie touched me, however he also wrote BIG FAT LIAR and JUST MARRIED both of which are painful and I never want to see ever again. He's a far cry from brilliant director but he can make a decent film like CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN however he seems to prefer to direct crap like JUST MARRIED and this film. I am sorry but Mr. Levy did not take much time to at least focus on the great landscapes he had to work with. Nor did he really help build any of the characters or use any interesting shots. I mean very basic directing on a film that was way below average. The director has to like a script or a scene so how did the fart scene get put into the movie, or the Viagra scene. Its not funny. Mr. Levy why didn't you say something! I don't understand it.

In the End, I cant say much that I did like about the new PINK PANTHER film. I chuckled around 6 times. The characters in the film, for the most part were annoying and far too stupid to be even remotely enjoyed. I was so disappointed that Steve Martin, Kevin Kline, and Jean Reno actually made this film and didn't say anything about how poorly made it was. It bothers me even more that Steve Martin had something to do with the writing. The man knows comedy what was he thinking. I noticed a few people in the audience liked the film and others hated it. I happen to be a film buff and watch so many films and I know a great film, a fun film, an average film, a guilty pleasure film, a bad film and so forth but this movie falls into the category a little above a really bad film. It's a bad film with a wasted group of talent, a horrible script and very average directing. I predict the critics will hate this film when it is finally released. I am predicting about a 20-30% if that, fresh on I was truly disappointed from this film and will now rent the Original PINK PANTHER film again tomorrow to recall how badly they messed up the classic.

MovieManMenzel’s final rating for the Pink Panther is a 3/10. I would avoid this one at all costs unless you find fart jokes and Viagra jokes funny.

PDA Alert -- Steve on the loose?
2 March 2005
The Oscar Romance Report

Kristin Davis has landed an erudite new man. The Insider reports the "Sex and the City" actress was "holding hands and stealing kisses" with Steve Martin at a party Friday night. Rumor has it they've been quietly dating for a few months.


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