Sharing Steve :: New Stuff
Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Warning: Spoilers and Negativity on Pink Panther Preview

i'm a fan, not a sycophant. KMT found this and passed it on to me. i'm posting it because i provide information on Steve and this is fair. but if you don't want to read anything negative or movie spoilers, pass it by.
Pink Panther Review!
1 March 2005
by Mike Sampson

I'm a real big fan of Steve Martin. Not quite CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN Steve Martin but more like THE JERK, THREE AMIGOS, BOWFINGER, ALL OF ME, etc. I really dig his style of comedy and think he's one of the most talented comedians/humorists alive. Yet I have an impending sense of doom about his upcoming role in THE PINK PANTHER. Something about it just seems... Well I guess the reviewer below sums it up right about nicely. He got to see a test screening the other night and wasn't exactly won over. OK, he pretty much hated it. Then again the movie isn't set to hit theaters until this summer and director Shawn Levy and Martin may have some time to fine tune this thing. After all, comedies are the films that benefit the most from these test screenings. Hopefully it will improve vastly on what MovieManMenzel saw the other day. Here's his review, which does contain a few spoilers...

How could anything with Kevin Kline and Steve Martin be so unfunny? A disgrace to Peter Sellers.

While I was outside the Vanity Fair Oscar party last night hoping to meet a few celebrities, some guy walked up to me and asked me if I wanted to attend a free test Screening of THE PINK PANTHER starring Steve Martin, Kevin Kline and Beyonce. I saw the trailer for the film quite some time ago and I didn't get a great impression from it but I said it has to be good, with funny man Steve Martin and the usually great Kevin Kline starring I was like I will definitely check this out. So I headed up to Los Angeles tonight at MGM and watched the film.

Steve Martin plays Inspector Jacques Clouseau who as almost everyone knows is playing the role made famous by Peter Sellers. Clouseau is a bumbling detective who is hired by Chief Inspector Dreyfus (Kevin Kline) to investigate the murder of a famous soccer coach played by Jason Statham. So the bumbling Clouseau with the help of Gendarme Gilbert Ponton (Jean Reno) must solve the case and stop this murderer from murdering again.

You know I really love Steve Martin and seen almost everything the man has been in from THE MAN WITH TWO BRAINS to CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN, I have seen almost every film he has been in except for a few. I have never been really disappointed with Martin until this film. I mean seriously he played a bumbling detective but I mean with no clue at all. His character was so dumb that even an 7 year old would say this guy is so stupid. I didn't like how he portrayed the character at all. Kevin Kline is one of my favorite actors who appeared in great films like DAVE, A FISH CALLED WANDA (one of the funniest films ever), and LIFE AS A HOUSE to name a few. However, this role was not a good one and can be compared to his awful role in WILD WILD WEST. Mr. Kline should know better, the guy is a great actor. His character like Mr. Martin's was again over the top stupid. I mean between the two of them, I felt like my IQ dropped a few points while watching this film. As for Jean Reno he was the best character and is far to good of an actor to be in a comedy like this. The man was the f*cking PROFESSIONAL for crying out loud! And finally we have Beyonce who was so miscast that it was just mind-boggling how anyone would have said let's get Beyonce for this role. Funny how earlier tonight, I was talking with my friend Mike about Beyonce and he said she had talent. I agree when it comes to singing but please say away from acting. Between this role and the role in GOLDMEMBER I had enough of her presence on the big screen. She is not a good actress, she is just there to be sexy and if she needs to be in films, then she needs to play a smaller role, not a lead but then again there are enough actresses out there who are sexy and have talent like Scarlett Johansson & Natalie Portman.

You know I cant believe how horrible the script was. Who the hell wrote this? I asked myself. When I found out I was shocked. Steve Martin himself (BOWFINGER, ROXANNE, THE THREE AMIGOS), Len Blum (PRIVATE PARTS & BEETHOVEN'S 2ND), and Michael Saltzman (The TV series “Wings” & “Murphy Brown”). I want to try to place as little of the blame on Steve Martin because he wrote the three films I just listed next to his name and those films are creative and funny. So what happened with this one? Who wrote in the sex gags? Seriously we had 4 sex gags involving Clouseau and his secretary Nicole (Emily Mortimer). Ok one was enough; we didn't need four of them. The one where Nicole asked Clouseau to help her get down from the table and she jumped on him and her crotch was in his face was enough. We didn't need the pants measuring one, or the Heimlich procedure one. It wasn't funny the first time and it wasn't funny the fourth time, plus it's been done before and was really not needed at all. Also who wrote the fart joke? Note to Hollywood stop with fart jokes, we aren't in the 80s anymore and they aren't funny. I mean it didn't even fit in. Here is Clouseau interrogating Xania and all of the sudden he says oh did you say that's a soundproof room and when he gets the sign saying yes it is, he goes in there and farts. I mean wow what a great piece of writing and a terrific part in the film! Give me a break. Also Clouseau problem saying Hamburger was amusing for about 2 seconds but they played that gag out way to much. The comedy in this film was very little, most was done before or was extremely dumb or over the top that I just felt appalled by the jokes. Oh and one final thing, who ever wrote in the Viagra joke, should never be allowed to touch a keyboard again. So Clouseau is going to get some action from Xania. Why no one really knows or understands it but maybe a good time filler and a great way to show off Beyonce’s body. So Clouseau goes into the bathroom not to change or wash his hands but to get Viagra and hahaha what happens next his last pill falls down the drain! Oh the comedy stop it, my belly is hurting with pain because its so funny. So he leaves the hotel to go get Viagra but the pharmacy is closed so he uses his spy tool to crack the window to get some Viagra. Once he gets it, Beyonce is all in lingerie on the couch but then the fire alarm in the hotel goes off and there is poor Clouseau standing outside with a hard on and people starring at it. Oh so funny, I forgot to laugh.

Director Shawn Levy was in charge of the directing of this film. Mr. Levy directed CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN which was a film I did enjoy. I come from a big family and the movie touched me, however he also wrote BIG FAT LIAR and JUST MARRIED both of which are painful and I never want to see ever again. He's a far cry from brilliant director but he can make a decent film like CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN however he seems to prefer to direct crap like JUST MARRIED and this film. I am sorry but Mr. Levy did not take much time to at least focus on the great landscapes he had to work with. Nor did he really help build any of the characters or use any interesting shots. I mean very basic directing on a film that was way below average. The director has to like a script or a scene so how did the fart scene get put into the movie, or the Viagra scene. Its not funny. Mr. Levy why didn't you say something! I don't understand it.

In the End, I cant say much that I did like about the new PINK PANTHER film. I chuckled around 6 times. The characters in the film, for the most part were annoying and far too stupid to be even remotely enjoyed. I was so disappointed that Steve Martin, Kevin Kline, and Jean Reno actually made this film and didn't say anything about how poorly made it was. It bothers me even more that Steve Martin had something to do with the writing. The man knows comedy what was he thinking. I noticed a few people in the audience liked the film and others hated it. I happen to be a film buff and watch so many films and I know a great film, a fun film, an average film, a guilty pleasure film, a bad film and so forth but this movie falls into the category a little above a really bad film. It's a bad film with a wasted group of talent, a horrible script and very average directing. I predict the critics will hate this film when it is finally released. I am predicting about a 20-30% if that, fresh on I was truly disappointed from this film and will now rent the Original PINK PANTHER film again tomorrow to recall how badly they messed up the classic.

MovieManMenzel’s final rating for the Pink Panther is a 3/10. I would avoid this one at all costs unless you find fart jokes and Viagra jokes funny.


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